please dont read my blog
judge my feelings
and post what i said up to public
I think i can say whatever i feel.
If you feel that its untrue,
come confront me about it or just keep it to yourself.
Whatever it is.. im telling myself to try to work things out with you.
At least try to understand that part of my situation.
Im sorry if how im feeling hurts you.
But hey I love you,
abd i wouldnt do anything to hurt you k.
At least im trying to.
♥
I cant be any more honest
Okay.. HONESTLY
i dont like blogging.
But sometimes, i kinda like to trace back and read my post.
Why have i been crying again?
Having unnecessary thoughts every so often.
Feeling just like how i was feeling before.
I thought i promised myself that everything was gonna be alright.
But no.
I dont even know what i want now.
How i wanna feel and how i want things to end up for me.
I know for sure i am not happy with my life at this moment.
But yet, its not like i have a choice, i have to move on.
I know that only, me, myself, can fix things up and make it the way i wanted it to be.
But im scared.
The last thing i wanna do is to hurt someone.
Espically when i figured out that ive fallen in love with him.
I feel so uneasy in this relationship.
Like im not my real self.
Im hiding behind something and im scared. But i cant figure out why.
And in result to that i get moody and cranky which..... leads to me crying and wondering whywhywhywhywhy the hell is all this happening to me.
Its so complicating?
I still think he doesnt understand me well enough.
And the things that he's doing hurts me alot. Shhhhhh
I cant really tell him that cause he'll get offended.
Ohhhh.. guess what? Im crying.
But does he know? Would he even feel a thing.
I feel that he is treating me so cold.
I feel like our relationship is based on...
i wanna kiss you and hug you, BUT ONLY IN YOUR ROOM
only when im free then ill meet you, your not worth MAKING TIME FOR
ill show you that i care for you by asking if you have eaten and telling you to rest well.
and dont try to 'manja' cause it DOESNT EXIST IN HIS LITTLE WORLD OF FALLING IN LOVE.
Im not wrong if i feel like way.
AND I REALLY DONT WANT TO.
I keep telling myself not to think that way cause its not true.
He's way better off than that.
But, how long more can i keep telling myelf that?
And now ive fallen very ill.
Well... not like it matters.
But ive got the worse throat and eye infection ever.
Plus i feel so feverish.
Its breaking me down. Fast.
Maybe i could feel a little better if he showed that he actually does care.
He's out jamming. Okayyyy yay.
I really hope ill faint somewhere and die.
Why is this even happening ='(...
This is what i do when people are praying in church....
i dont like blogging.
But sometimes, i kinda like to trace back and read my post.
Why have i been crying again?
Having unnecessary thoughts every so often.
Feeling just like how i was feeling before.
I thought i promised myself that everything was gonna be alright.
But no.
I dont even know what i want now.
How i wanna feel and how i want things to end up for me.
I know for sure i am not happy with my life at this moment.
But yet, its not like i have a choice, i have to move on.
I know that only, me, myself, can fix things up and make it the way i wanted it to be.
But im scared.
The last thing i wanna do is to hurt someone.
Espically when i figured out that ive fallen in love with him.
I feel so uneasy in this relationship.
Like im not my real self.
Im hiding behind something and im scared. But i cant figure out why.
And in result to that i get moody and cranky which..... leads to me crying and wondering whywhywhywhywhy the hell is all this happening to me.
Its so complicating?
I still think he doesnt understand me well enough.
And the things that he's doing hurts me alot. Shhhhhh
I cant really tell him that cause he'll get offended.
Ohhhh.. guess what? Im crying.
But does he know? Would he even feel a thing.
I feel that he is treating me so cold.
I feel like our relationship is based on...
i wanna kiss you and hug you, BUT ONLY IN YOUR ROOM
only when im free then ill meet you, your not worth MAKING TIME FOR
ill show you that i care for you by asking if you have eaten and telling you to rest well.
and dont try to 'manja' cause it DOESNT EXIST IN HIS LITTLE WORLD OF FALLING IN LOVE.
Im not wrong if i feel like way.
AND I REALLY DONT WANT TO.
I keep telling myself not to think that way cause its not true.
He's way better off than that.
But, how long more can i keep telling myelf that?
And now ive fallen very ill.
Well... not like it matters.
But ive got the worse throat and eye infection ever.
Plus i feel so feverish.
Its breaking me down. Fast.
He's out jamming. Okayyyy yay.
I really hope ill faint somewhere and die.
Why is this even happening ='(
You stupid fools
This is what i do when people are praying in church.
You wanna know what i hate most?
MSN
...
Dear diary
Mood: Apathetic.
Im miserable here without you - armor for sleep [the truth about heaven]
ohs. so im childish now?
hooookay.
fine.
im so fucking random now la.
pandora's box. <---------- what the hell is that ah?
i just want deepan to like calm me down and assure me that everything was gonna be alright and the fight we had was stupid and pointless and that he loves me.
HA fucking hell.
Lyns and her stupid WISHFUL THINKINGS
dear diary,
i think you're the only one that understands me....
Im miserable here without you - armor for sleep [the truth about heaven]
ohs. so im childish now?
hooookay.
fine.
im so fucking random now la.
pandora's box. <---------- what the hell is that ah?
i just want deepan to like calm me down and assure me that everything was gonna be alright and the fight we had was stupid and pointless and that he loves me.
HA fucking hell.
Lyns and her stupid WISHFUL THINKINGS
dear diary,
i think you're the only one that understands me.
Cotton candy
I miss deepan =(
Oh and ive fallen in love with him too.
Haahahahaha is that even insane? knnbccb.
Lyns oh lyns. You stupid dumb fuck
You promised never to fall in love again.
How come friends dont help me as much as ive helped them?
Omg am i assuming again?
People might hate me for that.
Fuck it la....
Oh and ive fallen in love with him too.
Haahahahaha is that even insane? knnbccb.
Lyns oh lyns. You stupid dumb fuck
You promised never to fall in love again.
How come friends dont help me as much as ive helped them?
Omg am i assuming again?
People might hate me for that.
Fuck it la.
MSN
Would you propose to me on msn?
It wouldnt kill to call.
coijer -g934uyt 9hrdoijv e9jo4ijgitrbntugjrpkvdspzlx ihnry90tu ghre09gjoijmfd ocknveweoifdwismcn vtgrgh54 r98ht 85tr htiruhfgruidf hg98dfpjs icjntirjgop3jre[k3porjo3jerfinrefkvjfndcnvirnhgio4hr9th4th45ht45ht 95ht ktgmk rt9g8df hrh 349owj rosej dciurjenfv uir guro hg0349ur349dr2390ke2jdwiejf9r4jf5fjirijf49 5t94jtu tjferjfrnjhfgpwjfmcsdcntr98hbj54if89m9ricfjr 9ivnr9gj4309tru4309ru 3940r094 t09 5t54t9 454
that felt so fun
finger excercise
can anyone teach me how to love?...
It wouldnt kill to call.
coijer -g934uyt 9hrdoijv e9jo4ijgitrbntugjrpkvdspzlx ihnry90tu ghre09gjoijmfd ocknveweoifdwismcn vtgrgh54 r98ht 85tr htiruhfgruidf hg98dfpjs icjntirjgop3jre[k3porjo3jerfinrefkvjfndcnvirnhgio4hr9th4th45ht45ht 95ht ktgmk rt9g8df hrh 349owj rosej dciurjenfv uir guro hg0349ur349dr2390ke2jdwiejf9r4jf5fjirijf49 5t94jtu tjferjfrnjhfgpwjfmcsdcntr98hbj54if89m9ricfjr 9ivnr9gj4309tru4309ru 3940r094 t09 5t54t9 454
that felt so fun
finger excercise
can anyone teach me how to love?
Omg
I cant fucking believe im fucking crying.
...
Too pissed to even think of a title for this post
This feels like before.
I dont wanna say much.
Except, i dont know what ive gotten into.
I feel like some dumb fuck.
I was never meant to love....
"i'd walk through the ravage rain to get to you"
I found a new sweet thing in my life.
Can i consider this as he found me?
Cause everyone was telling me....
Dont go look for the special someone cause he'll come to you.
Yes i havent blog in like 2 weeks. Yet again.. ill tell you guys, yes alot has happened lately.
And yes in such a short period of time. Its kinda scary come to think bout it.
The gig at youth park on the 2nd was so screwed up. Damn the freaking organisers. So many complications and it made me feel like i was FBE's personal assistant. Although i was so tired and getting a little hungover, i took amazing pictures of them that afternoon.
Like i said, the more you move the nicer the pictures turn out.
Stop zombifying alex and you'll have better pictures then auji.
For crying out loud, he plays on the freaking floor.
Why dont you climb up the trees next time or something when you guys play outdoor.
Well anyway....
Last weekend was a disater for me.
Linus didnt catch a movie with me (its okayy) cause he had to grow some mushrooms and kueyteow (how the hell do you grow kueyteow?) i didnt go to MOS cause we went with free loaders and i got busted and abused for taking alcohol without asking.
The things i do for my friends.
The burses are still visable by the way.
Plus, my ez link card and 30 bucks was stolen from my wallet on sunday morning
I WONDER WHO.*so disappointing*
Now mom doesnt even wanna talk to me cause i was supposed to return her back that 30 bucks. And also cause of that i didnt go to school for 3 days.
But i had company though haha <3
...
I wanna feel loved like this again.
Okayyy its like almost 3 am in the morning.
I have so much trouble sleeping. Sheeze.
School is gonna start at 10 and ive got to wake up early to get ready dear oh dear.
Would prolly sleep in class AGAIN.
Right, from my last entry..
i said i was going to Thea's house. Which i did =) and her place was so so cool i swear. It was like a palace. Truly. I was a little late for the BBQ but she still did cook for me anyway and she's so talented in cooking!
She made me some chicken and steak with a little salad ( which i didnt really appreciate ) at the side. Plus a cook alcohol cocktail at the side.
Hmmm okay here are the ingredients to this drink.
A shit lot of brown sugar (brown cause its sweeter)
Prolly 2 lime cut into halves
Lime juice
Vodka (a must duh.. if not it wouldnt be an alcoholic drink moron)
Some mint leaves
Lychee fruits and syrup
Add sugar, lime and lime juice into a bowl.
Mix and squash everything.
Add ALOT of vodka. Haha no kidding. Moderate amount.
Stir.
Add lychee and syrup.
Lastly add the mint leaves on the top and stir everything.
For a nice chilled afternoon, add ICE.
Well i cant remember much abut the week but on WETNURSEDAY,
i met up with daniel and his wonderful cousin.
We headed to 'Botak Jones' and had really really good food.
We then headed to town to get Joanne (Dan's girl) a really charming necklace.
Stumbled upon Biman and his friends. HAZY BABY!!!
Ohs.. then we met up with Alex & Auji. We stayed at far east and we just kept talking and talking and talking. Time flew pass us and before we knew it, we had to depart.
Can i tell you a secret? Im feeling fucking tired now so i dont really have the mood to type.
So yeahh..
Auji was like sick that day. He's nose started bleeding and all.
Got me all so freaked out.
I hope he's feeling alot better now though.
Wanna know the funny thing? Now im sick. Ha.
Classes later and he's in it.
Thats one reason why i look forward to going to school.
To see him. He is so adorably cute. Gorgeously Cute. I can go on.
He sat next to me today.. still have yet to get his name.
BECAUSE I WAS SO TIRED......... i fell asleep in class and he used his pencil and poked me to wake up.
hhahaha omgomgomgomg so cute la he.. =)
but i still have to keep that promise to myself.
Also.. when i was on my way back home from town on wednesday.. i saw this really really hot ang mo guy. OMGWASH! Really. He was like wearing a black polo tee with a scarf, black skinnies, a top hat and cool shoes. AARRGHH. Daniel was telling me to blink at him all... like wthh. I really hope that the person he was really staring at was me. =)
So sorry i took candid pictures of you. But your like really cute ♥
Thea's house - 240208
*unedited*
------------------
I saw farid at town the other weekend and i told him to smile for the camera as i was taking shot for juice mag.
Hhahahah rwar and he actually believed me. ♥ Sorry.
------------------
Hey! Meet P.Osh!
He chews on everything.
God dammit.
------------------
...
I dont wanna say much.
Except, i dont know what ive gotten into.
I feel like some dumb fuck.
I was never meant to love.
Im his pretty milk loving, photograph taking, candy loving, suicide girl asprin, comfy room having baby
"i'd walk through the ravage rain to get to you"
I found a new sweet thing in my life.
Can i consider this as he found me?
Cause everyone was telling me....
Dont go look for the special someone cause he'll come to you.
Yes i havent blog in like 2 weeks. Yet again.. ill tell you guys, yes alot has happened lately.
And yes in such a short period of time. Its kinda scary come to think bout it.
The gig at youth park on the 2nd was so screwed up. Damn the freaking organisers. So many complications and it made me feel like i was FBE's personal assistant. Although i was so tired and getting a little hungover, i took amazing pictures of them that afternoon.
Like i said, the more you move the nicer the pictures turn out.
Stop zombifying alex and you'll have better pictures then auji.
For crying out loud, he plays on the freaking floor.
Why dont you climb up the trees next time or something when you guys play outdoor.
Well anyway....
Last weekend was a disater for me.
Linus didnt catch a movie with me (its okayy) cause he had to grow some mushrooms and kueyteow (how the hell do you grow kueyteow?) i didnt go to MOS cause we went with free loaders and i got busted and abused for taking alcohol without asking.
The things i do for my friends.
The burses are still visable by the way.
Plus, my ez link card and 30 bucks was stolen from my wallet on sunday morning
I WONDER WHO.*so disappointing*
Now mom doesnt even wanna talk to me cause i was supposed to return her back that 30 bucks. And also cause of that i didnt go to school for 3 days.
But i had company though haha <3
What the hell were you thinking?
I wanna feel loved like this again.
Okayyy its like almost 3 am in the morning.
I have so much trouble sleeping. Sheeze.
School is gonna start at 10 and ive got to wake up early to get ready dear oh dear.
Would prolly sleep in class AGAIN.
Right, from my last entry..
i said i was going to Thea's house. Which i did =) and her place was so so cool i swear. It was like a palace. Truly. I was a little late for the BBQ but she still did cook for me anyway and she's so talented in cooking!
She made me some chicken and steak with a little salad ( which i didnt really appreciate ) at the side. Plus a cook alcohol cocktail at the side.
Hmmm okay here are the ingredients to this drink.
A shit lot of brown sugar (brown cause its sweeter)
Prolly 2 lime cut into halves
Lime juice
Vodka (a must duh.. if not it wouldnt be an alcoholic drink moron)
Some mint leaves
Lychee fruits and syrup
Add sugar, lime and lime juice into a bowl.
Mix and squash everything.
Add ALOT of vodka. Haha no kidding. Moderate amount.
Stir.
Add lychee and syrup.
Lastly add the mint leaves on the top and stir everything.
For a nice chilled afternoon, add ICE.
Well i cant remember much abut the week but on WETNURSEDAY,
i met up with daniel and his wonderful cousin.
We headed to 'Botak Jones' and had really really good food.
We then headed to town to get Joanne (Dan's girl) a really charming necklace.
Stumbled upon Biman and his friends. HAZY BABY!!!
Ohs.. then we met up with Alex & Auji. We stayed at far east and we just kept talking and talking and talking. Time flew pass us and before we knew it, we had to depart.
Can i tell you a secret? Im feeling fucking tired now so i dont really have the mood to type.
So yeahh..
Auji was like sick that day. He's nose started bleeding and all.
Got me all so freaked out.
I hope he's feeling alot better now though.
Wanna know the funny thing? Now im sick. Ha.
Classes later and he's in it.
Thats one reason why i look forward to going to school.
To see him. He is so adorably cute. Gorgeously Cute. I can go on.
He sat next to me today.. still have yet to get his name.
BECAUSE I WAS SO TIRED......... i fell asleep in class and he used his pencil and poked me to wake up.
hhahaha omgomgomgomg so cute la he.. =)
but i still have to keep that promise to myself.
Also.. when i was on my way back home from town on wednesday.. i saw this really really hot ang mo guy. OMGWASH! Really. He was like wearing a black polo tee with a scarf, black skinnies, a top hat and cool shoes. AARRGHH. Daniel was telling me to blink at him all... like wthh. I really hope that the person he was really staring at was me. =)
So sorry i took candid pictures of you. But your like really cute ♥
*unedited*
------------------
I saw farid at town the other weekend and i told him to smile for the camera as i was taking shot for juice mag.
Hhahahah rwar and he actually believed me. ♥ Sorry.
------------------
Hey! Meet P.Osh!
He chews on everything.
God dammit.
------------------
