Sometimes... i wish my camera had feelings.
I'll love it the way it should be loved.
Care for it like the way it should be cared for.
Touch it the way it should be touched.
Just the both of us.
We'll see the world like no other.
Just the both of us.
And no one else.
Today the boys came over.. and Ryan.
Hafiz-sasi-jacob-edumnd-amos-ryaN
Jacob Amos and I were playing around with my hair extensions just before the other boys arrived. We watched Clockwork Orange. That show reminded me so much of Panic At The Disco. They drink milk and beat people up while wearing white suits and top hats. Awesome.....
Next moment i received a stupid msg that says "im giving you 600 million angles to take care of you. Give them to 9 friends including me. You will have GOOD NEWS in 10 minutes. Trust me it works."
So i did as it said but i was like nahhhhh good news... what crap.
Next moment Hafiz called me and was asking me how to get here and i was like take bus 119 blahblah and he asked if they could take the LRT cause Ryan would know how to get here and i was like HUH!!??!?!!??? Ryan's coming too? omgomgomgomgomg
So in conclusion... hmmmmm Ryan's my GOOD NEWS.
We had pizza and all.... was really fun.
And i almost lost P.Osh. (Really really scary)
Im about to do a million things ive yet to do
Im trying to play this game right..
So far, im winning hearts.
As much as i wanna say and pretend that every thing's alright, i know that something is holding me back. But yet, i am really not letting it get into my head.
Ryan.
Maybe i saw him through a different kind of dimension.
Maybe i saw him the way i wanted him to be.
Maybe he is a total different person altogether.
But i had fun though.... the past week with friends.
It had a nice ending cruising at 120 racing with the sunrise on a beautiful Sunday morning. With the cold wind brushing past my face with a drunken boy attempting stunts free handedly.
CS and DOTA was sweet.
Late night last minute birthday movies was sweet.
Butter Factory Dress Ups was sweet.
Farid for company at DeJaVu Vintage was sweet.
Last minute swim outs at Changi Sailing Club was sweet.
Taking care of a drunk friend (Dani) was sweet.
I want to believe that Destiny from the Sandman really does exist and he has everything written about me in his big book. My life has been planned out so well... from all the senseless drama i encounter to the insane amount of fun i am having with my friends.
These will leave you speechless. Its like ive ripped this out from a painting.
Like said, beautiful Sunday morning.
...
So far, im winning hearts.
As much as i wanna say and pretend that every thing's alright, i know that something is holding me back. But yet, i am really not letting it get into my head.
Ryan.
Maybe i saw him through a different kind of dimension.
Maybe i saw him the way i wanted him to be.
Maybe he is a total different person altogether.
But i had fun though.... the past week with friends.
It had a nice ending cruising at 120 racing with the sunrise on a beautiful Sunday morning. With the cold wind brushing past my face with a drunken boy attempting stunts free handedly.
CS and DOTA was sweet.
Late night last minute birthday movies was sweet.
Butter Factory Dress Ups was sweet.
Farid for company at DeJaVu Vintage was sweet.
Last minute swim outs at Changi Sailing Club was sweet.
Taking care of a drunk friend (Dani) was sweet.
I want to believe that Destiny from the Sandman really does exist and he has everything written about me in his big book. My life has been planned out so well... from all the senseless drama i encounter to the insane amount of fun i am having with my friends.
These will leave you speechless. Its like ive ripped this out from a painting.
Like said, beautiful Sunday morning.
Whatever Holly says...
I dont want to own anything
until i find a place where
me and things go together
im not sure where that is
but i know what its like
its like tiffany's
calms me down right away
the quietness, the proud look
nothing very bad could happen
to you there
if i could find a real life place
that made me feel like tiffany's, then...
then i'd buy some furniture
and give the cat a name.
I still have yet to figure what she is trying to say...
but i guess... in time to come.. she'll whisper it into my ears.
GODAMMIT! A fly is wondering around my face. Cant type properly.
Anyway... these days have been so calm for me except for a little excitation whenever he is anywhere near by. I would always scurry off to steal a hug from him whenever he was in school and Thursdays are my favorite cause i always find an excuse to spend that odd 3 hours with him alone. Saturdays are fun too.. Oh!!! And and and, the smoothing rubs he gives me on my back whenever i sigh from tiredness. I remember freaking out when he laid his head my shoulders. This is awesome. Oh so awesome.
Theres so many things i wanna say.. but all i think about is him.
Je m'ennuie de vous.
Ive been working.
Even now, while working, im blogging. It kinda gives me time to think bout what i would wanna write you know.. Well... im gonna play dress up with cloth like models now, take some pictures and will be right back.
Back.. so okayy.. while i was snapping away, i only could think of tomorrow and how excited i am in seeing him. Hugs hugs hugs. I feel spastic. Hehe =)
Anyways... ive been really really tired lately and ive realised that my life is like a series of events. More like a catastrophe. But im really thanksful for where i am now. Ive got a job. Im studying hard in school. And im with the right company of friends. I really dont wish for anymore more to handle then this.
I hope i have a few more stars left in my safe box so i can make a wish for Ryan.
Cause i think i wasted most of them on my birthday for the wrong people....
...
until i find a place where
me and things go together
im not sure where that is
but i know what its like
its like tiffany's
calms me down right away
the quietness, the proud look
nothing very bad could happen
to you there
if i could find a real life place
that made me feel like tiffany's, then...
then i'd buy some furniture
and give the cat a name.
I still have yet to figure what she is trying to say...
but i guess... in time to come.. she'll whisper it into my ears.
GODAMMIT! A fly is wondering around my face. Cant type properly.
Anyway... these days have been so calm for me except for a little excitation whenever he is anywhere near by. I would always scurry off to steal a hug from him whenever he was in school and Thursdays are my favorite cause i always find an excuse to spend that odd 3 hours with him alone. Saturdays are fun too.. Oh!!! And and and, the smoothing rubs he gives me on my back whenever i sigh from tiredness. I remember freaking out when he laid his head my shoulders. This is awesome. Oh so awesome.
Theres so many things i wanna say.. but all i think about is him.
Je m'ennuie de vous.
Ive been working.
Even now, while working, im blogging. It kinda gives me time to think bout what i would wanna write you know.. Well... im gonna play dress up with cloth like models now, take some pictures and will be right back.
Back.. so okayy.. while i was snapping away, i only could think of tomorrow and how excited i am in seeing him. Hugs hugs hugs. I feel spastic. Hehe =)
Anyways... ive been really really tired lately and ive realised that my life is like a series of events. More like a catastrophe. But im really thanksful for where i am now. Ive got a job. Im studying hard in school. And im with the right company of friends. I really dont wish for anymore more to handle then this.
I hope i have a few more stars left in my safe box so i can make a wish for Ryan.
Cause i think i wasted most of them on my birthday for the wrong people.
Pictures sont les meilleures mémoires
I have no fucken idea why did the editing ended up this crapy. Je suis fatigué anyways.
Its almost 3 am in the morning and im halfway to passing out.
I decided pour do certains blanchisserie et nettoyez ma chambre.
Plus i studied Macbeth today with Edmund.
He tried to be funny and ended up burning part of what Lady Macbeth was trying to say.
J'ai eu un bon rire.
Boy oh boy je m'ennuie de vous.
But no, im not rushing into anything this time.
I want to grow into that comic loving voice switching bartending boy.
You are so caring and i (so does a shit lot of people) think you are cool.
Tomorrow, I cant wait to meet you DeJaVu.
Beaucoup d'amour.
J'ai pris le gaz again aujourd'hui.
Dirigez dans ma bouche est la dernière chose i am doing again.
I passed out like a doll with uneven legs.
The exciting part of today was.........
I had fun. Sans vous.
Its almost 3 am in the morning and im halfway to passing out.
I decided pour do certains blanchisserie et nettoyez ma chambre.
Plus i studied Macbeth today with Edmund.
He tried to be funny and ended up burning part of what Lady Macbeth was trying to say.
J'ai eu un bon rire.
Boy oh boy je m'ennuie de vous.
But no, im not rushing into anything this time.
I want to grow into that comic loving voice switching bartending boy.
You are so caring and i (so does a shit lot of people) think you are cool.
Tomorrow, I cant wait to meet you DeJaVu.
Beaucoup d'amour.
J'ai pris le gaz again aujourd'hui.
Dirigez dans ma bouche est la dernière chose i am doing again.
I passed out like a doll with uneven legs.
The exciting part of today was.........
I had fun. Sans vous.
Joyeux Anniversaire Lyns
J'ai finalement 19 ans. Buhoooo.
So many thoughts rushing through my mind... its like an expressway. Vroom vroom.
I can think about anything and everything and something and nothing right now.
I could tell you how much i hate you or how much i miss you.
I could tell you how glad i am or how disappointed i am.
I could have went on and told you all the amazing things i saw today or i could have told you the amount of tears i have shed.
Either way, from the day i started to realise that life is not like a childs play, ive heard so much from the more experienced that i really want to take to consideration.
So this will be my confession.
oui j'ai résulté to drogues un dimanche & that is so typical of me. Lundi, j'ai commencé i started inhaling gas. I realised ce n'était pas une chose drôle after i realised that j'ai commencé to loose ma mémoire rapidly after the gas entrait en vigueur sur moi. I just couldnt stop crying. I kept running to the wrong people for help. Running around in circles, spaced out in confusion and whenever i thought i had a direction, i ran into the root of my problem again and i fall all the way back down.
I really have to stop pretending that i am living in a perfectly shaped world. Cause there really isn't such a thing. Amis are amis, and on a fine, drunkened thursday night, a wise ami told me that seulement une main full peut être portée autour.
Give all you can with amour et affection, but dont not expect anything in return.
That is one thing i have to practice. I am always depending on my amis, espically the wrong ones to pick me up quand je tombe.
The last week wasnt an easy one for me, i must admit. But j'ai appris tellement. Ive learnt to l'amore ceux who fell with me but yet be the stronger one to tell me that everything was going to be alright. I'll just have to hold on and be strong.
The ones that made the effort to make mon anniversaire a mémorable one.
These were the people (in english),
Gab, you are the first one here cause whatever you did for me, although we only had an hour with each other, is greatly appreciated. Im sorry, i shouldnt have thought about who i was hoping to see or who i missed badly on that saturday, i should have just treasured the moment you were giving me. Thanks for the smallest cutest most favourite birthay cake.
Daniel & Reggie, thanks for coming along and reggie, thanks for pointing out the toy at macs (which i spoilt in less then 5 minutes). Daniel, from the moment we met each other, i knew we had to stick onto each other some way or another. Thanks for looking out for me when i was wasted. I still need help from Bryan.
Ryan, Bryan, Sasi, Amos, Jacob, wow, what would a birthday be without boys like you. To ryan, thanks for the birthday shots, and bryan, for my first Tequila and picking me up after every fall from the dustbins. Amos, thanks for the 151. Although it didnt make me puke! Ha!
Amelia, thanks for spending my hangover with me that sunday afternoon and sorry for crying and not being as wacky as i always was. I had bad news that morning thats why i was really upset and kept crying. But either way, thanks for the elmo ballon (it looks a little disfigured now sorry) and the little cake and my birthday 'get over my freaking hangover' Venti drink. Sorry me and the guys were talking bout dope so much.
Mom, thanks for bringing me to the Singapore Flyer. The best way to celebrate the last few hours of my birthday.
And to the rest, that wished me happy birthday. Thank you for remembering.
To Deepan, vous êtes incroyable.
The things you did, the feelings i felt the stories i have heard and the tears ive cried.
Je fucking vous déteste
k whatever... i dont wanna get Deepan popular in my blog.
Off to school now... will be right back with pictures LOVES!...
I wish i could take gorgeous pictures like the ones above.
...
...
So many thoughts rushing through my mind... its like an expressway. Vroom vroom.
I can think about anything and everything and something and nothing right now.
I could tell you how much i hate you or how much i miss you.
I could tell you how glad i am or how disappointed i am.
I could have went on and told you all the amazing things i saw today or i could have told you the amount of tears i have shed.
Either way, from the day i started to realise that life is not like a childs play, ive heard so much from the more experienced that i really want to take to consideration.
So this will be my confession.
oui j'ai résulté to drogues un dimanche & that is so typical of me. Lundi, j'ai commencé i started inhaling gas. I realised ce n'était pas une chose drôle after i realised that j'ai commencé to loose ma mémoire rapidly after the gas entrait en vigueur sur moi. I just couldnt stop crying. I kept running to the wrong people for help. Running around in circles, spaced out in confusion and whenever i thought i had a direction, i ran into the root of my problem again and i fall all the way back down.
I really have to stop pretending that i am living in a perfectly shaped world. Cause there really isn't such a thing. Amis are amis, and on a fine, drunkened thursday night, a wise ami told me that seulement une main full peut être portée autour.
Give all you can with amour et affection, but dont not expect anything in return.
That is one thing i have to practice. I am always depending on my amis, espically the wrong ones to pick me up quand je tombe.
The last week wasnt an easy one for me, i must admit. But j'ai appris tellement. Ive learnt to l'amore ceux who fell with me but yet be the stronger one to tell me that everything was going to be alright. I'll just have to hold on and be strong.
The ones that made the effort to make mon anniversaire a mémorable one.
These were the people (in english),
Gab, you are the first one here cause whatever you did for me, although we only had an hour with each other, is greatly appreciated. Im sorry, i shouldnt have thought about who i was hoping to see or who i missed badly on that saturday, i should have just treasured the moment you were giving me. Thanks for the smallest cutest most favourite birthay cake.
Daniel & Reggie, thanks for coming along and reggie, thanks for pointing out the toy at macs (which i spoilt in less then 5 minutes). Daniel, from the moment we met each other, i knew we had to stick onto each other some way or another. Thanks for looking out for me when i was wasted. I still need help from Bryan.
Ryan, Bryan, Sasi, Amos, Jacob, wow, what would a birthday be without boys like you. To ryan, thanks for the birthday shots, and bryan, for my first Tequila and picking me up after every fall from the dustbins. Amos, thanks for the 151. Although it didnt make me puke! Ha!
Amelia, thanks for spending my hangover with me that sunday afternoon and sorry for crying and not being as wacky as i always was. I had bad news that morning thats why i was really upset and kept crying. But either way, thanks for the elmo ballon (it looks a little disfigured now sorry) and the little cake and my birthday 'get over my freaking hangover' Venti drink. Sorry me and the guys were talking bout dope so much.
Mom, thanks for bringing me to the Singapore Flyer. The best way to celebrate the last few hours of my birthday.
And to the rest, that wished me happy birthday. Thank you for remembering.
To Deepan, vous êtes incroyable.
The things you did, the feelings i felt the stories i have heard and the tears ive cried.
Je fucking vous déteste
k whatever... i dont wanna get Deepan popular in my blog.
Off to school now... will be right back with pictures LOVES!
Drogues <3
I wish i could take gorgeous pictures like the ones above.
Right now, im high enough to say whatever the hell i want. So if you've got a problem about what im going to mention in my blog, i'd strongly suggest you fuck off before you even start judging me.
Whatever happen to people that promises the following, "im your friend and ill be there for you whenever you need me." and "i owe you one cause you've helped me once"
When when my world come trembling down, they all mysteriously disappear. How ironic huh.
Je suis jaloux
I still dont know whats going on in my life.
It still seems very complicating and its getting worse.
Mon anniversaire est juste 5 jours loin.
Je ne veux pas penser à son sujet.
Je initially thought that je was going to ayez un bon temps.
With alex, and all our other friends and also, with Deepan.
But i cant, it hurts, i really dont wanna think bout it. Neither am i looking forward to it.
Mon Deepan maintenant allé et Alex, busy avec her own célébrations. Tous je veux est to drogue moi-même pour dormir again.
I am glad that life is treating Alex the way she should be treated. Well, i guess... she's happy now. With the band, and Auji, plus school (which i know is stressing the hell out of her, which school doesnt?) and have the best circle of friends to hang out with.
I stumbled upon her blog and after reading it, i started to get all upset again. It reminded me of how jealous i was with her in secondary school. When she had everything i wanted. But this time, i choice to be happy for her.
"...the next thing that came out of Auji's mouth was "When are we getting married Alex?". I'm like HAHA i've been asking him that so long. But we've planned all this a long time ago la. In about a month, we would've reached 2 years together. Throughout all the bullshit from my side and his, I still love him the same as always...."
Je me demande constamment, quand I serait heureux comme celui?
Je veux me sentir a aimé like how they are feeling.
Je suis trying. But nothing is working out. Tristement.
"...I love love love love love love BAUJI. We intend to have a movie marathon soon sushi and stuff. I don't know why sushi but I'm having cravings. Old school horror night pleaseeee. Well we stayed in today so we lazed around mostly then went out to eat then came back, lazed around again then we went for supper and he went back. I miss the stink bomb now..."
And in relation to that, i miss telling the people who reads my blog how much i amour amour amour amour amour amour that spécial quelqu'un. Also, i miss having weird cravings in odd hours and late night moives with him by my side. Snuggling. Random trips to the mall in the middle of the night for supper was secretly my favorite.
Yes, je m'ennuie de vous deepan. You have been consistently on my mind and strangely, whenever i think of you, i become very lightheaded.
Je déteste le fait que mon anniversaire est coming. I really can emphasize further on that.
Cause that the only person i wanna celebrate with is no longer a part of me.
Suce suce suce.
Alex would soyez the one l'heureux ce dimanche.
I'd prolly be halfway passing out on my bed again.
It still seems very complicating and its getting worse.
Mon anniversaire est juste 5 jours loin.
Je ne veux pas penser à son sujet.
Je initially thought that je was going to ayez un bon temps.
With alex, and all our other friends and also, with Deepan.
But i cant, it hurts, i really dont wanna think bout it. Neither am i looking forward to it.
Mon Deepan maintenant allé et Alex, busy avec her own célébrations. Tous je veux est to drogue moi-même pour dormir again.
I am glad that life is treating Alex the way she should be treated. Well, i guess... she's happy now. With the band, and Auji, plus school (which i know is stressing the hell out of her, which school doesnt?) and have the best circle of friends to hang out with.
I stumbled upon her blog and after reading it, i started to get all upset again. It reminded me of how jealous i was with her in secondary school. When she had everything i wanted. But this time, i choice to be happy for her.
"...the next thing that came out of Auji's mouth was "When are we getting married Alex?". I'm like HAHA i've been asking him that so long. But we've planned all this a long time ago la. In about a month, we would've reached 2 years together. Throughout all the bullshit from my side and his, I still love him the same as always...."
Je me demande constamment, quand I serait heureux comme celui?
Je veux me sentir a aimé like how they are feeling.
Je suis trying. But nothing is working out. Tristement.
"...I love love love love love love BAUJI. We intend to have a movie marathon soon sushi and stuff. I don't know why sushi but I'm having cravings. Old school horror night pleaseeee. Well we stayed in today so we lazed around mostly then went out to eat then came back, lazed around again then we went for supper and he went back. I miss the stink bomb now..."
And in relation to that, i miss telling the people who reads my blog how much i amour amour amour amour amour amour that spécial quelqu'un. Also, i miss having weird cravings in odd hours and late night moives with him by my side. Snuggling. Random trips to the mall in the middle of the night for supper was secretly my favorite.
Yes, je m'ennuie de vous deepan. You have been consistently on my mind and strangely, whenever i think of you, i become very lightheaded.
Je déteste le fait que mon anniversaire est coming. I really can emphasize further on that.
Cause that the only person i wanna celebrate with is no longer a part of me.
Suce suce suce.
Alex would soyez the one l'heureux ce dimanche.
I'd prolly be halfway passing out on my bed again.
High on drugs, leave me alone
Pourquoi amour ?
Je vraiment ne comprends pas. Ce va être un mois mais nous combattons constamment au-dessus de quelque chose n'importe pas. Est-ce que j'étais le problème ? Je vraiment ne sais pas.
I dont know what to write.
Je suis dois beaucoup de différents genres d'émotion.
I missed the 11:11 wish.
J'ai pleuré tellement encore hier. Criant et laissant la musique souffler dans mes oreilles. Je me suis tourné vers mon canif et ai coloré des pillules. J'étais ainsi dopé hier je suis tombé dans la toilette. Mais personne ne m'ont pris. Je me suis réveillé après un moment et me dirige dans ma salle. J'ai eu des millions d'appels. Mais j'ai pensé qu'ils étaient des vibrations justes à mon cauchemar.
I really want him to come back. We could try to work things out.
Tell me that everything's gonna be alright.
Complications
Celui qui il soit. Je suis en se cachant et je m'assurerai qu'il est impossible presque pour que n'importe qui obtienne par moi. Je suis juste trop dérangé pour être près de n'importe qui. Je ne veux le truquer plus. Je suis fatigué de lui.
Love is like its enemy, Hate.
Hurt hurt hurt....
Je vraiment ne comprends pas. Ce va être un mois mais nous combattons constamment au-dessus de quelque chose n'importe pas. Est-ce que j'étais le problème ? Je vraiment ne sais pas.
I dont know what to write.
Je suis dois beaucoup de différents genres d'émotion.
I missed the 11:11 wish.
J'ai pleuré tellement encore hier. Criant et laissant la musique souffler dans mes oreilles. Je me suis tourné vers mon canif et ai coloré des pillules. J'étais ainsi dopé hier je suis tombé dans la toilette. Mais personne ne m'ont pris. Je me suis réveillé après un moment et me dirige dans ma salle. J'ai eu des millions d'appels. Mais j'ai pensé qu'ils étaient des vibrations justes à mon cauchemar.
I really want him to come back. We could try to work things out.
Tell me that everything's gonna be alright.
Complications
Celui qui il soit. Je suis en se cachant et je m'assurerai qu'il est impossible presque pour que n'importe qui obtienne par moi. Je suis juste trop dérangé pour être près de n'importe qui. Je ne veux le truquer plus. Je suis fatigué de lui.
Love is like its enemy, Hate.
Hurt hurt hurt.
