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Headlines - FML [28/6/10 13:28]
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I cant be any more honest


Okay.. HONESTLY
i dont like blogging.
But sometimes, i kinda like to trace back and read my post.

Why have i been crying again?
Having unnecessary thoughts every so often.
Feeling just like how i was feeling before.
I thought i promised myself that everything was gonna be alright.
But no.

I dont even know what i want now.
How i wanna feel and how i want things to end up for me.
I know for sure i am not happy with my life at this moment.
But yet, its not like i have a choice, i have to move on.

I know that only, me, myself, can fix things up and make it the way i wanted it to be.
But im scared.
The last thing i wanna do is to hurt someone.
Espically when i figured out that ive fallen in love with him.

I feel so uneasy in this relationship.
Like im not my real self.
Im hiding behind something and im scared. But i cant figure out why.
And in result to that i get moody and cranky which..... leads to me crying and wondering whywhywhywhywhy the hell is all this happening to me.
Its so complicating?

I still think he doesnt understand me well enough.
And the things that he's doing hurts me alot. Shhhhhh
I cant really tell him that cause he'll get offended.

Ohhhh.. guess what? Im crying.
But does he know? Would he even feel a thing.

I feel that he is treating me so cold.
I feel like our relationship is based on...
i wanna kiss you and hug you, BUT ONLY IN YOUR ROOM
only when im free then ill meet you, your not worth MAKING TIME FOR
ill show you that i care for you by asking if you have eaten and telling you to rest well.
and dont try to 'manja' cause it DOESNT EXIST IN HIS LITTLE WORLD OF FALLING IN LOVE.
Im not wrong if i feel like way.
AND I REALLY DONT WANT TO.

I keep telling myself not to think that way cause its not true.
He's way better off than that.
But, how long more can i keep telling myelf that?

And now ive fallen very ill.
Well... not like it matters.
But ive got the worse throat and eye infection ever.
Plus i feel so feverish.
Its breaking me down. Fast.

Maybe i could feel a little better if he showed that he actually does care.
He's out jamming. Okayyyy yay.

I really hope ill faint somewhere and die.
Why is this even happening ='(
...